On opening weekend, I went and saw Conan the Barbarian. I went to a
matinee, and the theater wasn’t particularly crowded since it was a nice day
out, but there was a good contingent of people watching. About halfway
through the movie, the sound cut out, and it took the crew about 15 minutes to
restart the projector and get it going again. When they came to explain
what was going on, someone from the back of the theater said “It’s ok, we
weren’t watching for the dialogue anyway.” And I wholeheartedly agree,
and have to ask, what’s wrong with not caring about the story in a movie like
this?
I can’t say I’ve seen the original Conan the Barbarian, which hopefully I
can rectify soon, but I think it’s pretty obvious this movie wasn’t going to
make money because of its plot. I remember reading that on average one
person died every minute of this movie, which seems about right for a popcorn
action flick. That average could have gone way up if it wasn’t for all of
the talking. And really, would that have been so bad? Back in
ancient Greece and Rome (not really at the same time, mind you) there was some
amazing theater going on as well as gladiatorial combat. So what’s wrong
with the same dichotomy in movies? Why can’t we have a barbarian hacking
and slashing his way through hundreds of extras and CGI monsters down the hall
from two people working through real world problems? Obviously both are
entertaining; it all just depends on the mood you are in.
A lot has been made about the downfall of
movies, how less and less we are seeing original stories and more and more we
are seeing sequels and blockbusters lacking much story. But could this be
more of a sign of what people go to the movies for, and less of a sign of the
downfall of humanity? There are plenty of excellent television shows with
great plots, and people can rent indie movies in the comfort of their own
homes. Likely, if you want to go sit with 100 other people in a climate
controlled theater, maybe those are the times you don’t want to be thinking as
much. I think that’s the place we’ll find movies going, where it’s more
the spectacle of the thing more than the whole quality of it. We’re
already seeing smaller movies do better going right to on demand, so why can’t
that be their niche? As long as both are being made and making money,
everybody’s happy.
There isn’t too much to really say about Conan the Barbarian, aside from it’s
exactly what you’d expect. If you are looking for an action filled romp where
you don’t have to worry about thinking too much, Conan the Barbarian is your movie. And don’t be ashamed of
seeing it, if it wasn’t for the occasional pallet cleanser like this, how could
we appreciate how good other films really are?
John
Hackert is a columnist and thinks people look really weird without eyebrows.
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